Have you ever engaged in a dispute with someone and experienced a sense of linguistic divergence between the two of you? It appears that this assumption may be accurate: The challenges in communication could be attributed to the use of different stress languages, which essentially refers to the manner in which individuals respond to tough situations.
During times of stress, blood flow in our body shifts away from the frontal lobe region. “The frontal lobe of our brain essentially becomes inactive,” explained Chantal Donnelly, a physical therapist, stress researcher, and author of the book “Settled: How to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World.”
According to the Cleveland Clinic, the frontal lobe is important for cognitive skills such as self-control, emotional regulation, and higher-level reasoning. “In addition, we possess cranial nerves that originate from the brainstem,” Donnelly explained. “Communication and connection are linked to them, and these are affected when we experience a stress response.”
“In the context of an argument, the individuals involved are essentially experiencing difficulty in effectively communicating and understanding each other,” she clarified.
This elucidates the reason for your perception of being unable to effectively communicate with your partner, child, or friend during a conflict: There was a lack of mutual comprehension in that particular instant.
Donnelly developed the concept of stress languages from her work with her own clients. She discovered that the absence of stress management was the crucial component lacking in their treatment. The term “stress language” is not recognized as an official mental health word, although it can provide valuable insights into oneself and loved ones, similar to the popular idea of love languages that has gained widespread recognition in recent times.
Experts below provide further insights into stress languages, including methods for identifying one’s own stress language and the significance of effectively managing stress.
The 5 Different Stress Languages
Donnelly’s research identifies five categories of stress languages, and many individuals belong to one or more of these categories. The items are:
The Imploder: This refers to a state of freezing in response to a circumstance that is causing stress. According to Donnelly, the imploder may experience feelings of despair, powerlessness, and immobilization.
The Exploder: This refers to the instinctual reaction of either engaging in combat or fleeing from a threatening or tense circumstance. According to Donnelly, this individual may exhibit an exaggerated response to a stressful circumstance, which could manifest as irritability, frustration, anger, or even a tendency to withdraw from overwhelming situations.
The Fixer: Women generally exhibit a stress response through a “tend and befriend” reflex. According to Donnelly, this behavior might manifest as appeasement, people pleasing, crossing boundaries, and even assuming a nurturing role towards those who are not one’s own children.
The Number: The term “The Number” refers to an individual who intentionally disconnects themselves from the external world when faced with difficulties, as explained by Donnelly. This individual typically employs escapism, such as substance abuse, excessive alcohol consumption, immersive online gaming, excessive employment, or excessive exercise, as a means of dealing with stress.
The Denier: This individual exhibits toxic optimism as a coping mechanism for stress and tends to be excessively optimistic in order to evade reality, as outlined by Donnelly.
“The first three – the exploder, the imploder, and the fixer – are rooted in the biological responses that people experience when they are under stress,” explained Donnelly. “The denier and the number are determined by the strategies individuals commonly employ to cope with or control stress.”
Which one do you identify as? In order to determine this, Donnelly suggests observing stress reaction patterns in both yourself and others during challenging days.
“I recommend that individuals inquire with their partners about whether they perceive any recurring trends, and acknowledge that there may be differences in opinion. It is important to take a step back and genuinely express curiosity about what your partner observes in you,” Donnelly advised. “The key is to recognize and identify the repetitive patterns that you and your partner use to cope with stress.”
It is important to note that you may belong to numerous groups of stress language. Specific individuals can elicit distinct stress reactions from you. For instance, your response to your parents may differ from your response to your partner or your boss.
The Importance Of Knowing Your Stress Language
Similar to understanding your own love language and that of your lover, it is advantageous to comprehend how you and the individuals around you manage stress. By understanding the likely reactions of your friend, boss, or partner during an argument, you can better prepare for a more peaceful relationship and anticipate their immediate needs.
“Gaining knowledge of stress languages enhances comprehension in your relationships,” Donnelly stated.
“I believe that stress languages are beneficial because they are enjoyable and provide an opportunity for self-discovery,” expressed Christopher Hansen, a licensed professional counselor affiliated with Thriveworks in San Antonio. Although “stress language” is not an officially recognized clinical term, it does hold significance in the field of mental health, according to him.
Hansen compared comprehending your stress language to experiencing an illness without being aware of the underlying cause. Upon receiving a diagnosis, a feeling of relief arises as one is able to definitively identify and label the condition or situation at hand.
Donnelly stated that recognizing one’s stress language, whether it be their own or someone else’s, is not a means of assigning blame, but rather a method to enhance communication.
“The use of those terms may give the impression of categorization, but my intention is not to categorize individuals,” Donnelly stated. “The purpose is simply to establish a structure or a common language that enables one to comprehend and communicate with others in their life.”
Additionally, it can serve as an effective method to modify troublesome behaviors. Modifying a behavior is unattainable until one is aware of their actions. Gaining insight into your stress response might serve as the initial stage in comprehending your behavior during arguments or other challenging circumstances.
For instance, if your preferred method of expressing stress is through explosive behavior, and you tend to have outbursts during stressful situations, recognizing your pattern of aggression enables you to prevent yourself from reacting in the same way in the future, as pointed out by Hansen. If you possess a tendency to exceed limits and intervene in stressful situations, it is important to recognize this behavior and make a conscious effort to refrain from repeating it.
Alternative Approaches to Manage Stress
Stress can have detrimental effects on both your mental and physical well-being. According to the Mayo Clinic, stress can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, chest discomfort, insomnia, and fatigue, as well as emotional states like despair, rage, and feeling overwhelmed.
“According to Hansen, cumulative stress is the primary factor contributing to the development of anxiety and depressive disorders.” In addition, persistent stress can result in significant health problems such as cardiovascular disease and hypertension.
These hazards highlight the importance of effectively managing stress, either by understanding your individual stress response or by implementing lifestyle modifications, such as maintaining a healthy routine, to help regulate your emotions.
“Consistency is the key to regulating stress hormones,” stated Elizabeth Shirtcliff, a research professor at the Center for Translational Neuroscience at the University of Oregon, in a prior interview with HuffPost. To effectively cope with stress, it is advisable to establish a consistent daily eating schedule, follow a nighttime routine, engage in regular exercise, and pursue hobbies on a regular basis.
“These methods will assist your body in anticipating the day’s events, thereby preventing excessive strain,” Shirtcliff informed HuffPost.
Donnelly advised that at a difficult moment, instead of using a brain-down response, you can try a body-up response, provided that you already have a decent baseline for stress management. This entails directing your attention towards your physical form rather than your mental faculties. As an illustration, choose for breathing exercises instead of relying solely on positive thinking in order to induce a sense of calmness in your body.
“Inhaling for a count of three and exhaling for a count of six will slightly calm your nervous system,” Donnelly explained.
Strategies for Managing Persistent Stress
Once stress reaches a certain threshold, it can become overwhelming. Even if you are well-acquainted with how stress affects you, you may want extra assistance to manage it. This is particularly true for chronic stress, which can contribute to cardiac problems and cannot be easily eliminated.
“According to Hansen, the determining factor in identifying a problem is whether it has an impact on your relationships, work performance, ability to have fun, and overall enjoyment of life.” “If you are experiencing withdrawal, those symptoms are indicative of either a depressive or an anxiety disorder.”
If this situation is recognizable, it is advisable to actively pursue expert assistance, if feasible. To locate a mental health practitioner in your vicinity, you might utilize databases such as Psychology Today and Inclusive Therapists.
“A crucial point I always emphasize is that it demonstrates strength to acknowledge the need for assistance and seek appropriate support,” Hansen stated.
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